How do you get a 4 yo to stop crying everytime something is hard for he to do?

She cries about everything that is difficult. Like putting on clothes, getting her shoes on, she can%26#039;t move the chair. she can%26#039;t change the channel on the t.v., she forgot her stuffed animal at home, her seatbelt won%26#039;t buckle. You name it, if it something that has upset her she howls. I try to ignore her and make her problem solve by herself, but her dad helps her fix whatever is broken for her at the moment. Put%26#039;s on her clothes, changes the channel etc. Since I stay at home with her it can be quite stressful hearing her howl 20 times a day. He doesn%26#039;t understand when he bails her out it just sets her up to continue the behavior.

How do you get a 4 yo to stop crying everytime something is hard for he to do?
There needs to be a middle ground, somewhere in between what your husband does %26amp; what you do. She is obvioulsy frustrated, every child/person is different. some get frustrated easily and other dont. If she is frustrated %26amp; mom ignores her-is that really helping her? My guess is that she would get more frustrated. She isn%26#039;t being nauty on purpose. she is feeling upset and frustrated. She needs some help. I agree If daddy does it for her she wont learn to do it herself. but remember, she isn%26#039;t happy crying all day. If you are frustrated %26amp; upset over this-imagine how she feels.When she tries to put her shoes on and gets frustrated, you need to first, calm her down. be patient. let her do it but talk her through it. sounds like she needs some encouragment. There are still things she is learning to understand %26amp; learning to problem solve. it takes a little longer for some kids. she leaves her stuffed animal at home, but she doesn%26#039;t have the problem solving skills yet to say %26quot;I left it at home, but its not feasable to ask mom to turn around, we would be late %26amp; we are already 5 mn down the road%26quot; a 4 year old just does not think that way! she is just immediatley upset. no-you shouldnt turn around %26amp; get it, but the more you get frustrated at her-she will just get even more frustrated.


Trust me-I know it%26#039;s hard. My son was the same way! (probably worse) If things get too bad-here is a good book that has helped me. The kids in the book were actually worse than my son. but it was still helpful





http://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Un...





If you understand how they feel-you can help them more. and I don%26#039;t mean giving into their demands or tantrums, but they do some help. good luck
Reply:TELL HIM to stop weakening the childs independantce.HE needs to support YOUR rules and stop fussing over her.YOU are the main career for her and therefor he should follow some of your advice regarding your child not undermine your choice of structure. She will be alot happier %26amp; more confident if you both respond the same to any negitive behaviour.She must learn to think %26amp; act for herself so that she can enjoy life %26amp; learning is part of developing life skills. If he keeps it up she won%26#039;t be able to cope at school or with other kids. That is a cruel thing to do to a child in my oppinion.He may like the feeling of %26quot;saving%26quot; her from what upsets her or he feels powerfull to be able to fix her problemsotherwise he might just lack the strength to alow her to cry and work through the fact that things often require effort,patience,aceptence,and in life you often don%26#039;t get your own way. Maybe he just wan%26#039;ts to get her to shut up, if so he needs to follow your example. As long as crying gets her what she wants she will keep crying,if she is ignored (but still supervised) she will (eventualy)find other ways to achieve goals. The longer this goes on the harder it will be on all of you especialy the child.To help her grow %26amp; develope self esteme she needs you both to work together and stand firm on rules , this toddler will soon enough be a teenager you will need a united team to all survive that safe %26amp; strong.FOR HER OWN GOOD she needs to be left cry if she is%26#039;nt in pain or realy truly emotionaly hurting. Its ok to comfort her ie-ooh bubba can%26#039;t you get the thing to go where you want it to ,it%26#039;s ok everybody has trouble sometimes with stuff.Keep trying if you want. Some things you can show her then get her to do it herself , if she won%26#039;t try ,walk away, maybe say %26quot;when your ready to try to do it yourself i will be here to clap%26quot;Positive reinforcement is better than doing for her .%26quot;Doing%26quot; for her only reinforces her idea that she is unable to do for herself, does he realy want a daughter that will be relient on others so much.
Reply:Hi Beth,


I had a difficult toddler too, and one method I used for distraction, was when the crying got to much, we would wash her hands under the cold tap, also if you make huge fuss over small accomplishments (even if they are miniscule, she will want to resolve many of her own issues...another thing I didn%26#039;t see you mention, was whether she is in nursery school, kids often learn by example, and my daughter started getting competitive when she saw other girls her age doing things she didn%26#039;t think she could do herself...her sense of accomplishment soared...take time...be patient and see if she can put on her own seat belt, or ask her if she can help you put on yours....or help get you dressed, or fix something simple that you have broken (or helped to fall apart) to see if she is willing to help you, then most likely she will begin to help herself. don%26#039;t forget Beth lots of ooooooohs and ahhhhhhhhs, kids love positive noise!





Mom who is over the worst of it!


A
Reply:find a happy medium, and hopefully you and your hubby can agree to this. Help her by calming her down %26amp; give a little help, but don%26#039;t do it for her. If she can%26#039;t put her shoe on then show her how (even if you have shown her 100 times b4) Don%26#039;t over indulge when she cries, but I wouldnt ignore a 4 year old when they are obviously upset and frustrated. That is not helping her solve her problem. You cant help a 4 year old %26quot;learn to problem solve%26quot; by walking away to cry in frustration. that isn%26#039;t teaching her anything.


If she cant get her shirt on then calm her down, you must remain patient if you want her to be patient. tell her to slow down and tell her she can do it. you may need to give just a little help to keep her from getting too upset.
Reply:start singing her %26quot;my favorite things%26quot; from %26quot;the sound of music%26quot; and then she won%26#039;t feel so bad
Reply:Doing it for her won%26#039;t help, so I%26#039;d suggest he stop doing that. I know it%26#039;s tempting, but you don%26#039;t want a 17 yr old that can%26#039;t change the channel, right?





Just be calm and patient, and tell her to try again. If she refuses, then say %26quot;well, if you can%26#039;t get your shoes on, I guess you%26#039;ll have to stay home%26quot; and continue to get ready and go out the door without her. She can do it if she tries - only help her after she%26#039;s tried several times and then asked nicely and calmly for help.
Reply:Just tell her to calm down and offer just a little help. Your right she needs to do it on her own, but sounds like she really needs a little help, if nothing else, just with the frustration. By calming her down and walking her through it with encouragement you will help build her confidence. Don%26#039;t go overboard by running every time she whines, but when she does, calmly ask her to explain why she is upset. tell her to use her words and there is no need to cry, tell her to calm down and you will help her. If she can%26#039;t get her shoe on, then loosen the strings, then let her do the rest. Ignoring her will only add to her frustration. I understand it%26#039;s sometimes hard to know what to do b/c you don%26#039;t want to give into a tantrum, but helping a child calm down is not giving into a tantrum. The problem is not her problem solving skills, she is too upset to use those skills so first, you need to help with her frustration.


Good luck



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