Kind of a Religious but what do you think?

I am a christian and I don%26#039;t mind letting people know this, If you are not, I respect that, some of my poems do have mention of God.





This is How





Alone and friendless


a beggar on the street


old worn and shabby


with no shoes on his feet





nothing to console him


no fire to keep warm


no shelter about him


to weather the strorm





his weak legs buckle


with his last breath, he sighs


no bench to catch his fall,


this is how he dies.





Warm and Welcomed


he strides down the street


his last moments on Earth


were painfully sweet





his family embraces him


there%26#039;s music in the air


he sees his father


and knows not a care





he dances with glee


Great praises he gives


God saved his soul,


This is how he lives.

Kind of a Religious but what do you think?
The best thing about this poem is the juxtaposition of the two lines %26quot;This is how he dies%26quot; and %26quot;This is how he lives.%26quot; It sets up a strong contrast and a pleasing reversal, and fits entirely into your religious theme.





I think, though, that you could do more with the theme. The comparison between the dying man and the newly-liberated soul are both physical, in the poem currently. I think that%26#039;s a mistake. You need (somehow) to make the heavenly presence more spiritual.





Good idea. Keep at it.
Reply:I am a christian also and if i had to rate your poem from 1-10 it would be a 10. God certianly gave you a talent to write poetry. if you write anymore poems, email me at crystal83177@yahoo.com so i can read and tell u what i think.
Reply:It is good to know that you belive we do move to a better place, even though some of our lessons in life are difficult.....


I liked it very much
Reply:very good u put feeling in it teacher like that lol



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